Reebok's ZigTech sneakers, like any new sneaker design/tech, are accompanied by a glowing press release that's chock full of questionable locker-room

Reebok's ZigTech http://www.reebokzigtechclassic.com/conditions.html?zenid=5q1422ev1j2770fhmkc9jgk7g2 sneakers, like any new sneaker design/tech, are accompanied by a glowing press release that's chock full of questionable locker-room science and athlete endorsements. I know that. I understand it. I know that these are just sneakers, that they're not going to improve my endurance (which, in my case, could consist of "the absense of embarrassment"). I know that my year-old pair of cheap New Balance sneakers are in perfectly fine condition, thanks to my structured regiment of not exercising, ever, no matter what, and therefore I do not need a new pair of running shoes. I know that these sneakers cost $100 and will sit, next to the similarly-unused New Balance sneakers, in my closet, and that I should very simply not buy them.
But damn if I don't want these insane squiggly masterpieces of sneaker design. Look at these things! With these kicks, you are literally running on squiggles.
Reebok's new ZigTech http://www.reebokzigtechclassic.com/conditions.html?zenid=775ok6dr1pjkp3beacf59ce714 sneakers are billed as an "energy drink for your feet," which is completely ridiculous, but sort of makes sense since both are an unnatural shade of chartreuse. Here's that "science," which reads like the transcript of a Gatorade commercial:
Oh, really, Reebok? So my feet work like a video-game powerup now? I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that waves of energy cannot actually be delivered from my heel to my forefoot to result in a more propulsive stride. But all my eloquent, rational argument is pointless, for two reasons. One, I expect this sort of rhetoric from a sneaker company. I'd be really disappointed if the press release just read "We think these shoes are comfy and flashy! Please buy them." And two, more to the point, I really like them. They're ostentatious and offer suspect rationalization, and I don't care even a little, because they are so. cool.
Reebok's ZigTech http://www.reebokzigtechclassic.com/conditions.html?zenid=9mhdiq71430fo5qqv2mtu9r8d2sneakers will be rolling out at major retailers (including Foot Locker and Finish Line) March 11, priced at $100.